How to make friends and meet people after divorce
Updated · By the After Divorce volunteers
Short answer
To make friends after divorce, join something that meets every week and keep going for at least two months. Friendship comes from seeing the same people repeatedly while doing something together, so regular activities such as a parkrun, a padel group, a hiking club or a divorce meetup work far better than one-off events. Expect it to take a few months.
Why do friends disappear after a divorce?
Friends you had as a couple often do not know whose side to be on, so they quietly step back from both of you. Others are busy with their own families. Some invitations stop because the table was set for pairs.
It is rarely personal, but the result is the same: you need some new people. That is normal, and most divorced adults go through it.
Where can you meet people after divorce in South Africa?
Pick things that repeat weekly and involve doing something.
- parkrun. Free, every Saturday at 8am, in almost every town. Walkers are welcome.
- Padel, tennis, squash or five-a-side. Most clubs run social sessions where you turn up alone and get mixed in.
- Hiking and running clubs. Long stretches of easy conversation.
- Classes. Dancing, pottery, cooking, a language.
- Volunteering. A shared job makes talking easy.
- Churches, mosques, shuls and temples, if faith is part of your life.
- Groups for divorced people. The quickest route, because everyone arrives in the same position. See the weekly schedule.
How do you turn a familiar face into a friend?
- Show up for eight weeks. The first two feel awkward for everyone.
- Learn three names each time and use them the next week.
- Stay for the coffee afterwards. That is where friendship actually forms.
- Make one small invitation. "A few of us are getting a burger after, coming?" is enough.
- Say yes when asked. Each no makes the next invitation less likely.
What if you are shy, or out of practice?
Most people at these things are. Choose an activity where the activity does the work, such as a walk or a game, so that silence is not awkward. Arrive a little early, when groups have not formed yet. Give yourself permission to leave after an hour.
At After Divorce meetups a host greets every new person by name, so nobody stands alone at the edge.